Over the past few months, I have shared interviews about several faith journeys.
The abiding story is that each of these individuals seeks to learn more about faith and religion. They are gracious humans who have been through different struggles and hurts and come out the other side with greater compassion. Each of us is shaped by the way we were raised, the questions we grapple with, and the choices we make now.
This month I thought I would answer my own questions, and give you a glimpse into my journey.
Tell a little about your experience of faith/religion as a child.
I was raised in the homeschool evangelical world. My father, though raised Lutheran, became a Christian as a young adult. Being a man with a questioning nature he took himself to Bible college and did some seminary studies as well. My mother went to church with her father when she spent weekends with him as a child.
Both of them were profoundly impacted by the teachings of John MacArthur and his many disciples. I attended a number of non-denominational churches with the word “grace” in their name.
Our homeschool curriculum was chock full of “biblical” standards. Science was always about proving the literal seven days of Creation, and other ways that it “proves” God. History was taught chronologically, with the integration of the Bible in ancient history and the church in CE. (I think chronological and holistic teaching of history would be better than most Americans' scattershot approach.)
What prompted you to change your perspective?
Postpartum depression was a key turning point in my faith journey. I was raised to be a wife and mother, and I internalized a belief that this was the only way to be a godly woman. Pursuing my own interests and desires was discouraged. So I married at the age of 21 and proceeded to have three babies at the age of 22, 23, and 25. I was overwhelmed, exhausted, and having panic attacks; and all the while was being told that I was doing a good job and the right thing.
Years of home church, church splits, and a few other events brought me to a place where I could no longer handle the burden of expectations placed on me.
What was the scariest/hardest part about deconstruction?
I was terrified of being alone, of losing relationships with people I cared for. And that has happened. Some relationships are irrevocably changed, even gone.
However, I have found some people who have walked alongside me and are still part of my life. And new relationships have come into my life.
How do you feel about faith/religion now?
There is far more space for nuance and difference. Black-and-white interpretations of the Bible and religions seem to lead to more harm than good. Religion and faith are not equal. Faith and spirituality are part and parcel of being human. Practicing a religion is an outlet for that faith in the community.
One of my many jobs right now is assistant hospital chaplain. In that capacity, I have conversations with people of many different religious backgrounds. It is essential that I walk into these conversations without judgment or the intent to convert anyone.
Learning not to be judgemental of others has been a major point of personal growth for me over the last 10 years.
If you are a parent, how has your journey impacted your parenting?
Practicing my faith in front of my children involves allowing them to ask questions, and not always have the answers. I pray with them, take them to church, and talk about the ways I see the presence of God in our daily lives. I apologize for my mistakes and remind them that they are loved by God and me. There is grace and compassion for all of us along the way.
For the Ears
Do you have a podcast or music that is really comforting, inspiring, or healing to you in any way?
The Faith Adjacent podcast gives me a great deal of fun history, conversations about theological touchstones, and asks questions that I often find myself having.
For the Eyes
Is there a book, movie, or TV show that has impacted your faith journey?
Oh how long the list of books is so I will list only a few:
Grace for the Good Girl: Letting Go of the Try-Hard Life by Emily P. Freeman
The Quotidian Mysteries: Laundry, Liturgy, and Women’s Work by Kathleen Norris
Life After Art by Matt Appling
Get Weird by CJ Casciotta
Life of the Beloved: Spiritual Living a Secular World by Henri Nouwen
Jesus and the Disinherited by Howard Thurman
A Praying Life by Paul E. Miller
Prayer in the Night by Tish Harrison Warren
For the Taste Buds
What food or drink is your go-to right now?
I have been consuming a great many matcha lattes of late. There is only one local branch of coffee huts that makes one I like though. Most of them are far too sweet for my taste. Cowgirl Coffee, found only in Western Montana, love you all!
Do you have a local coffee shop?
Dear readers, if you would like to share your journey of religious deconstruction and reconstruction you can fill out this form.
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