Once in a lifetime...

Creating a Healthy Outlook On Life

once in a lifetime

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Extremely rare, especially as an opportunity. For example, An offer like that will come just once in a lifetime. This phrase, often used hyperbolically, was first recorded in 1854.¹

Do you know how often supposed once-in-a-lifetime events have occurred in your life?

Starting with my birth, here is a list of mine:

• I was born on Good Friday 1989. My birthday will not be on Good Friday again until 2062.

• Turn of a millennia. Yes, I remember the Y2K anxiety.

• The dropping of the Twin Towers on 9/11.

• Being in or very close to the path of totality for a solar eclipse. (2017, not 2024)

• A global pandemic.

• Economic collapse (might see more than one of those).

• The first black president (hopefully not the only one) and the end of the longest-reigning monarch in Great Britain.

• A storming of my nation’s capital.

• The first assassination attempt on an American (former) president in over 40 years.

On a slower current, I have been part of changing technology, from corded landlines and boxy home computers to cellphones that connect to a world of information. From rewinding VHS tapes to being subscribed to multiple streaming services. From dial-up internet to wi-fi.

Photo by Dan Crile on Unsplash

My dad has been working with computers since the ‘80s. I remember all the buzz around computers crashing in the year 2000 and people asking my dad if it would be a problem. I remember sitting on the blue-carpeted stairs with my friends, listening to the grown-ups talk about doomsday prepping and other conspiracy theories. My father was not concerned, and as a computer nerd, I believed he could be trusted. I was an eleven-year-old homeschooler who had not been exposed to much outside of the church I attended.

The church had its own brand of conspiracy theories. I only read one Left Behind book, but plenty of other people have talked about the lasting impact that End Times literature had on them. One of my sisters admits to some trauma about being left behind.

When I was 12, I watched the Twin Towers collapse on television after my dad called early in the morning. He had started a new job in Montana while my mom and us girls waited for the house to sell in California. His early morning call was to turn on the TV and get my mom. One week later, we left an empty house behind and settled in Montana. I worried for our safety, for my grandpa and uncle, who were firefighters, and generally, what all this upheaval would mean for everyone.

I feel like I have been living in that state of low-grade worry ever since. The news of the war in the Middle East became the white noise of my existence, while other dramas kept breaking into my consciousness: Hurricane Katrina, the 2008 recession, and the ever-increasing divisions in politics as I came of voting age. Obama vs McCain and then Romney, Clinton vs Trump, Biden vs Trump, and the rematch of this year. (Edited, well, until the breaking news of Biden dropping out of the race.)

The hum of worry about the social order and safety increases with every school shooting, with working in the decidedly broken healthcare system, and with an onslaught of putrescence that people feel free to spew online and in person. And keep telling us it’s once-in-a-lifetime.

At this point, I think we don’t need the hyperbole. I think it’s just life.

Centuries upon centuries, there have been seismic shifts that people have endured and overcome. Sovereign nations have conquered and been conquered. Plagues have swept through the populace, decimating its numbers.

I keep coming back to this quote from Moon of the Crusted Snow by Waubghesig Rice.

“Yes, apocalypse. We’ve had that over and over. But we always survived. We’re still here. And we’ll still be here, even if the power and the radios don’t come back on and we never see any white people ever again.”

The most significant difference between now and the past is the instant access to worldwide news ALL THE TIME. So it is not just our own towns that we consider. The global scope of EVERYTHING is thrust in front of us daily.

Most of us have little impact on the greater global scheme, but much like the ants in A Bug’s Life, we outnumber the grasshoppers in charge. By acting together in our communities, we can effect change.

Somewhere along the way Americans got the idea that A) life should be easy and B) we are the best country in the history of ever. Neither of these things are true. Not according to history, not according to science, and not according to any religion. That does not stop people from believing it, though. People will believe any number of untrue things rather than be uncomfortable. They would rather believe that they are experiencing a sequence of once-in-a-lifetime events than accept that actions have consequences. There is no savior who will magically make all our problems disappear.

There is plenty of advice out there about the power of thoughts and attitudes. To a certain point, it is true. Changing the way we think about our circumstances may not change the facts of our circumstances. Instead, it builds resilience, an ability to push through things that are hard and keep going. As we expand our knowledge of the world, how can we expand our resilience?

Right now I am mothering three children in upper elementary and middle school. Their world is undergoing major shifts: cliques and bullies that really did not exist in the lower grades are starting to break out like the acne on their young faces. My daughter particularly struggles with the unpredictability of girls she has known since kindergarten. Not infrequently, she tells me, “I just want to have a good life.” By this, she means a life free from pain and conflict. Alas, my dear, that is not possible. The good life she desires is not realistic. Instead, I am focusing on helping her learn conflict resolution when possible and when it is wiser to walk away. The latter option may not always be available to her, thus necessitating the former skill.

A good life is a matter of perspective in many ways. It is not freedom from hardship but rather the ability to hold hardship in perspective. Holding life in perspective takes resilience and empathy. Learning to tackle our problems with acceptance and hope is not easy, but it is worth it. Spending time complaining about life is easy; we all have things that are hard, maybe once in a lifetime hard, maybe just normal hard. I think my favorite comment I recently saw was that we may all be in the same storm, but we are not in the same boat. Struggle is universal to humanity, but we all have different tools for it, financially, mentally, and communally.

Our lifetimes are made up of moments, good and bad, some which come around once, and others which may repeat. Handling it all with grace is challenging. I am learning how to take my thoughts about these things through a process. The first step is to identify my emotion and name it. Once I know what I am feeling I can work out a good response and usually that involves a few techniques I have been taught in therapy and coaching. It could be identifying how I want to feel or what I want to think. From there I figure out the steps I need to take to get there. Another technique is talking about worst, best, and most likely scenarios. These processes take the feeling of being overwhelmed to a sense of control. In every situation there is only one person that I can control and that is myself.

The onslaught of once-in-a-lifetime hyperbole seems unlikely to end anytime soon. I certainly hope that it will not always be scary, but I know that whatever comes in my lifetime I have spent a lot of time learning to handle it with hope and faith.

For the Ears

Turnings

For the Eyes

I just finished reading Rebecca Claren's The Cost of Free Land: Jews, Lakota, and American Inheritance. It is an insightful look at the history of Manifest Destiny. What's good for one group of people is not always good for others. Learning about the history of multiple peoples' experiences is the way we build empathy and make reparations for history's mistakes.

For the Taste Buds

Making ice cream is a new favorite summer practice. We just tried this chocolate ice cream, which does not require an ice cream maker and is delicious.

May this week bring goodness to your senses and your soul.

1. https://www.dictionary.com/browse/once-in-a-lifetime