Pumpkin spice lattes are back, sweater weather memes abound, and Anne of Green Gables quotes are flooding social media. It’s fall, y’all, or at least that is what the trends on the internet are trying their level best to hit us with. Spirit Halloween has opened its doors, and Costco aisles mix and match the coming holiday season with capitalistic fervor. Turkeys, ghosts, various squash, and tinsel are all the ways that so many people cope with the increasing hours of darkness and dropping temperatures.
I love a holiday hygge season as much as any child of generations of Scandinavian immigrants can. Still, I also have to prepare myself for the inevitable days when I will struggle with depression. The first time I had an inkling that I may have depression was around the beginning of my third pregnancy. I had two children who had just turned one and two, and now I was expecting another. My sister was preparing to marry that autumn, and my parents refused to participate. The rifts in my family were widening as my sisters sought independence. I was trying to help her, raise young kids, and help my husband pass the tests to join the National Guard. I chalked my depression to stress. It would be another three years before I started taking antidepressants.
Now that I have been through several years of therapy and on more than one anitdepressant I have a better sense of when the seasons will be triggering. Holiday stress is certainly one component, as is the worries about finances and bills. The longer nights and colder days become a real downer in February, but October is not always great either. Seasonal depression, situational depression, hormonal depression, these have all become a part of who I am. It’s something I watch for the triggers and try to remember the things that help.
I know that things that help, I just don’t always do them. Depression can feel like a fight just to get out of bed some days. And no amount of cozy sweaters and tall boots can prop up my spirit. I know those days are coming, though I am never entirely sure when they will hit. Will it be when its bright sunshine and bitter cold? Will it happen when my attention has been too distracted by life to remember my needs? Much as I love twinkly candles and fresh snow, will my brain begin is spiral into darkness when the holiday scaries hit?
In the cupboard beside the tea and coffee is vitamin D and antidepressants. A regular schedule of meetings with my therapist is already on the calendar. I bought a happy light, which is supposed to mimic sunlight for the dull days between fall and winter. Fall is a season of preparation.
The gathering in of the garden is a satisfying experience, as is the crackling of wood fires and spiced beverages and baked goods. There is much to celebrate in this season. I just know there is some preparation for what is coming that goes beyond physical needs.
For the Ears
Thanks to Instagram algorithms, I was introduced to this unique blend of West African and classical-influenced music.
For the Eyes
Laughter is good medicine and so comedy shows become a comfort. This summer I rewatched the first two seasons of The Good Place with my oldest. It was a delightful as the first time, and so much fun to watch my sons shock at the clever twists and turns of the storytelling.
I also enjoyed reading Assistant to the Villain, which had a hilarious set of character. Although I was not happy with the cliffhanger ending.
For the Taste Buds
Soup is not a cure-all for things, but there it does provide a great deal of comfort after the long days of running hither thither and yon. So here is a poll of favorite comfort soups.
May this week bring love to your senses and your soul.
I wonder if us in the hot regions get depressed by too much heat and not being able to be outside during the summer days..
But also Ballake Sissoko is a magnificent artist.. I remember another great, Toumani Diabate who plays the Kora as well, argue that his music also should be called classical, cause it comes from a tradition of 800 years.. He had an album with London Symphony Orchesta.. https://open.spotify.com/album/3rOp3a1DZ6S8AlOy0aAw9o
I am sorry to hear that you suffer from seasonal depression, and admire your clear understanding of what it is, and your openly sharing your experience. Many people just suffer and try to hide it from others. I had to smile at your reference to the "hygge" season. I only learned of that wonderfully evocative Scandinavian word some time ago, and it prompted this from me: https://medium.com/karines-musings-on-this-and-that/how-a-new-word-can-show-you-realities-you-never-imagined-96a43840fb34?sk=1760343486908452ebbdff569e9e4f9e